A dog runs into the room, his tail wagging as he sees you. He tries to lick your hand, making a fuss of you. Do you enjoy the attention?
When we meet people we should show genuine interest, like the dog does. But I don’t actually mean licking their hand! Showing genuine interest in others is when we become most influential. The interest shown must be genuine. We can apply these ideas when meeting other people. Giving some thought before applying these to the opposite sex.
My uncle once asked a girl out for a drink. She brought along a friend. He bought them both drinks, but at the end of the evening the girls both left, with other guys.
What happened? Was there a misunderstanding?
Sometimes we’re absolutely clear about what we want, and think we’ve communicated it, but sadly this isn’t always the case. When my dad asked my mum out, he made it clear that it was a date:
“Will you go out on a date with me?”
Clarity like this is important, showing what you’re about.
If a single guy just wants a friendly drink with a single girl then there shouldn’t be any presumption on either part, unless it’s clearly stated beforehand.
If I want to date you then I’ll ask you – otherwise we’re just friends.
At university I made a lot of friends, and some of them were girls. These girls valued my respect and honesty which most other guys didn’t always show them. I’ve worked with a number of women and always appreciated their friendships (as well as the guys) and I’m a keen musician and have played with girls in bands. They even make good musicians! 😉
I may be seen out with lots of girls, but not all at once. I enjoy spending time with girls on an individual basis, not because I want to gain anything from them, just to get to know them. Friendships are important to me.
One of these girls, who I’ve been seeing, is older than me. Now for me, although we’ve been on many dinner/movie/music outings together, this doesn’t suggest that we’re ‘dating’. For me this is about appreciating friendships and developing stronger inter-relationships. I have made this clear. Many people have assumed that I’m actually dating her.
A single guy goes out with a single girl. Is this considered a date?
Relationships are built on respect and appreciation. When guys give girls respect, genuine appreciation and enthusiastic attention, girls can presume this to be more than it actually is. Just because I’m being genuine, respectful, funny and attentive, does that mean I fancy you?
We should be building strong relationships that show exactly these qualities, all the time, between all individuals, regardless of whether you’re worried about them finding that attractive or not.
I’m sure you’re familiar with 1 Corinthians 13 which is read out at practically all weddings. Here it is for those who have forgotten:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV)
This was a letter to the Church about how to treat each other. This was not a letter sent to married couples exclusively. We need to be willing to spend time with each other without assumptions, gossip or ulterior motives.
Let’s improve all our relationships and encourage the best in each other. Let’s also be clear to communicate our intentions.
Photo by Costi